Mixed Signals

You know what mixed signals are: one moment, he's caring and warm with you, and you get excited, thinking you're getting somewhere with him. The next moment, he's cool and aloof - and you're really not sure what happened.

Then, out of nowhere - BAM! You're back getting warm, caring behavior from him.

So does that mean he likes me, or does that mean he doesn't?

I don't know exactly know the answer to that for now, a lot of questions have been bugging my head lately and in fact I've asked few of my closest trusted girlfriends to assess the current situation that I am in. They all have different readings and reactions but one thing's for sure: THAT I SHOULD BE GUARDING MY HEART for now. 

The fact that I'm getting mixed signals give me the right to question the legitimacy of his actions and words. Because I hate getting mixed signals. It's like "If you like, tell me, if you don't like me, don't act like you have feelings for me when you're just going to back down at the end of the day."

I'm way too old to be playing guessing games.

By making me confused and making me jealous of they way he interacts with other girls he may have or may not have feelings with, it only pushes me away to the point that I won't care anymore. Because when I get my heart set on someone, that's where it will stay. I'll always be loyal to you.

There are times when I don't understand you. You treat me as friends, then as something more than friends and then as if we're cool, like strangers.

And there we go again,

With your mixed signals and my overthinking.

Because it's YOU and Me and NEVER US.

We are a complicated series of ALMOST Interactions.

So to ease my questions and my mind and heart both aching for answers, I've read some article about this effin' thing and according to Sabrina Alexis, 

When a guy is sending confusing signals, it usually means he’s either ambivalent or maybe somewhat interested … but not interested enough. And in these cases, nothing you say or do will change that. You cannot convince someone to want you, and no amount of wanting him will make him want you back. If he was iffy about you from the start, then nothing you said or did caused the relationship to end … there just wasn’t enough there to begin with.

According to Rania Naim, "When he says he is not ready taking it to the next level but who knows what might happen in the future." 

What he means: He is either really not ready or he doesn’t think you are the one, when he says “who knows what might happen in the future,’ this is his way of trying not to completely break your heart so he gives you any sort of false hope. Either way don’t wait for him to be ready and just find a man who doesn’t send you any of those mixed signals.

......

To the one person out there, I know we're both not ready yet, so for now let's take most of our times and enjoy it to the infinite level. I know you have your own personal reasons for sending me mixed signals that ultimately confused my feelings but I also do believe in a very optimistic way that whatever reasons you may have, perhaps it's for our own good. We don't need to rush things, if it is really meant to be, it will be.

For now, let's stop all this daydreaming Zy, set aside your feelings, do not let your emotions get a hold of you, cause you're like waiting a boat in the airport, never gonna happen. It would only lead to getting your hopes high then get disappointed.

There will always be a time for everything, just wait for it. This may not be your "Happily Ever After" but for now, God is speaking to you to "LEARN THE ART OF WAITING" and good things will flow out of it.

Your heart is precious, it may have been broken and torn down a thousand times yet here u are, you've outgrown every heartbreaks in life so let me remind u this, GUARD YOUR HEART once more. Build higher walls if you need to and WAIT for that MAN who will treasure it.

All the love,
Self

I'm going to set these feelings free

December 19, 2017

So this me, writing again with the thoughts of how I could possibly get rid of all these feelings I have for someone I am infatuated with. 

It was that one sunny afternoon, you had your COMPA ANA class at the hallway where my feelings eventually flourished (well it’s actually way back before but I shoved those feelings away not until now). 

You were that “Perfect, Nice Guy” every girl is dreaming about. Your hair is black, your eyes, deep and dark and every time you smile, the world’s just seem to be bright and colorful. You always bring your bag with you, Jansport with a touch of white and blue. You love sneakers and denims, and oh you got braces too.

So much for physical description, you also have the inner qualities every girl’s daydreaming about. You love dogs, you even have two - lily and surfer, those two you always mention to me every time we talk and how they loved the treats I gave them. You’re God-fearing, gentleman, and such a nice guy. No wonder you have so many admirers. You were that popular to most girls.

Did it even occurred to you how amazing you are? How perfect and how cool you are? How you can easily make a girl’s heart flutter whenever you just smile at them? I guess you really had no idea how beautiful you are. You had beautiful eyes, the kind that you could get lost in, and I guess I did.

We had countless conversations every night when I got home from school, I always check my messenger to see if you dropped something on my chatbox or even a simple “Hi” but later I found out you were anonymously asking me in my ASK.FM account, well it took long for me to process how your feelings went well and how my feelings went well for you. We got these endless conversations talking about anything and I loved how comfortable it was talking to you, how I could just easily share with you how my day went well and how I’m bothered with our exams and etc. Talking to you just makes my day complete, wishing those moments won’t have to end. 

It makes my heart even happier when we talk in the hallways, sending smiles to each other, simple hi-fives and simple glancing. Things like, “you caught me staring and I caught you staring back”. I was just so happy that entire time, it was something I could not forget - the feelings that I had for you, I would cherish it for the rest of my life. It was a little crush that grew into something more - something magical.

You were the best part of my day, and you never even knew. I just wanted to be the best part of yours too. But I know it’s never going to happen, guess you’re right then, the mutual urge for comrades is still on blaze. You told me everything you felt for me and told you everything I felt for you. My feelings were so obvious back then & sometimes, you make me feel like I actually have a chance with you but when I try to take that chance, you make me realize, I never really did.   So the thing here is, our feelings were mutual but somehow confusing so you  draw the line between us. Direct and clear. 

So what I did was........ set these feelings free.

I admit I was hurt that time, my heart’s been really gloomy and cold. I couldn't even barely go to school because I’m afraid I would be seeing you in the hallways and I don’t know how to react anymore. Should I smile because we’re friends or should I cry because that’s all we’ll ever be?

Nothing’s certain for sure, all I know is how this process of healing and moving on would gave us the freedom and the happiness we deserve.

You were right and I couldn't argue with you. In fact I admire you for your bravery, not all guys could do something like that and I thank you for bringing up those things, it’s maturity after all. It’s you depending on God’s will - His good and perfect will.

That’s just the thing about infatuation right? You always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. I’m deeply sorry I fell hard for you. & even after all that had happened please know that you will always have a soft spot in my heart.

So thank you, thank you for giving me a plot twist before I end my 2017. Guess 2017 is definitely the year full of moving on and letting go. Thank you for all the lessons-learned, I’ll definitely learn from all of it and I’ll be looking forward the next year, hoping it would be the year full of adventures and not heartaches anymore. I am grateful enough because I’ve learned to never awaken feelings not meant for me and how I learned the art of letting go. Thank you because even for a short time, I was able to experience those feelings, the kind that you would feel butterflies in your stomach whenever you see/talk to someone special. Thank you for everything.

For now, I’m going to set these feelings free.

Aurevoir,

ZY

STRENGTH FOR THE WEAK HANDS 

“Strengthen the weak hands, And make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who are fearful-hearted, “Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God; He will come and save you.” Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, And the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.” Isaiah 35:3-5 NKJV

There are times when we just get run down. Our hands get tired from working, our joints start to ache from the journey, and our hearts lose hope that it is going to get better. When we get to that point we have to remember the words of Isaiah: “Be strong, do not fear!” The journey of life is difficult and fraught with challenges. We have to get our strength from the source that never runs out, Jesus. There will be battles in life and if we try to fight them on our own it will end badly. Instead we need to seek the Lord, keep walking, and wait for His work to be accomplished. When we are down He will come and save us.

Source: DAILY WALK DEVOTION