To the One who Has My Heart
To the
One Who Has My Heart, thank you for coming into my life. 2018 was by far one of
the most bittersweet years I have. Broke up with my 5year long time
relationship in exchange for his friends. He chose to give up on me despite the
many years we had together. You thought that certain person would be your own
definition of forever, but somehow, life has its way of separating beings
regardless of how they've managed to be together for quite so long. Life really
is ironic, isn't it? But then here you are, you came by,
in the
most unexpected time.
in the
most unexpected place.
We
started out as friends, well the casual type of friends who got intertwined
because of the many mutual friends we have. I could still remember the 1st time
I saw you, it was on that night I invited you to be one of the judges in the
event I was tasked to organize being the Head of the Cultural Arts and Events.
I never even have the slightest feeling for you that time, but my soul, just went
like, "Oh there you are" and then you smiled. I was
just so thankful you saved me from the embarrassment I was supposed to face
when our Governor found out I lacked one of the judges for my events. Thanks to
my CUA-Family who got my back that time, Eli, Gelu & Kyung. You guys are
the best!!
After a
week, news came up to me, something, a woman like me wouldn't want to be
involved with so I distanced myself from you.
Weeks
have passed, now I caught myself texting you again, maybe because it was that
shirt you promised me, or maybe, just maybe, it's because there's something
more, something deep.
We went
to the beach, I saw how empty you are and I just couldn't help but feel so
fragile and vulnerable because I also had my heart broken from this guy I am
inlove with for 5 years.
Somewhere,
in the place unknown, we felt the ocean breeze touching our faces and the sound
of the waves crashing. The stars were shining brightly, and I loved how the
moon illuminates the entire place. You and I, sitting in the sand with beers in
our hands, talking about random stuffs, how we managed to escape the toxic life
of the city and how we laughed at our silly jokes, so I’m beginning to think,
was this all real or was this all in my head? Because if it’s real, how I wish
this moment would never have to end.
Now
here's the best part, you introduced yourself to me, you told me "a
person like me deserves to be known in a place like this" and
that got me…...weak.
You
talked about your life, your experiences and what made you so strong to have
come this far. For a person like me, I never expected you'll share your life
story in that instant, you see? I didn't know what you found in me that you got
so comfortable of, but that didn’t matter anymore, because I was so caught up
with you.
You were a soul person, just like me.
I can
tell from the way you look, how you handle things and how you analyze situations
& ideas. I am a paradox, a hopeless romantic and an old soul trap in this millennial
body and you were an artist who paints, who transforms your feelings into art.
You had been so fearless all your life fighting your demons and fighting your
problems single-handedly without asking help from anybody. You've learned from
your mistakes in the past which you cannot undo yet brave enough to face and
fix it, eyes wide open.
The
familiarity, the similarities..
the
rawness of the emotion,
the level
of deepness we shared..
It was
like I saw myself in you, a reflection of me, I never thought would exist.
And you…
you understand me.
Not the
one who understands the shallow parts of me but the deepness I possess - the
inner me.
Months
have passed, we went out with our friends, hanging along, they were all super
fun & good memories and slowly, in time, I felt the spark between us, growing,
lighting like a firecracker, electrifying every single cells in our body, from
our skin down to our bones. You should know that your magnetic field is a little
too strong... it attracts the repulsive parts of me.
and I, I
continue to study you.
You
didn't noticed that I bet, because I am so good at faking my emotions, even
faking my actions, just to hide the reality that I am beginning to be
fascinated by you.
But then
again, when the day was soon to end and I'm alone in my room, thoughts were
flooding and my heart was telling me that I should keep my walls up high, even
higher because I just couldn't put my heart at risk...again.
In the
darkened room, I closed my eyes and prayed to God earnestly that if He will
going to give someone like you to me, and if this someone is worth all the
risks, then I have to find and heal myself first before the situation
complicates because I cannot afford hurting another person. So I cried myself
to sleep, till it hurts no more.
You may
wonder what it felt like dating a broken girl with trust issues.
Could you lengthen your patience? Could you
be more understanding till she heals?
Only God
and time will tell.
August, September, October you
confessed your feelings and you asked for my permission if it's okay to court
me. Without any hesitation, I said "YES". I was shocked
with myself that time, how could I utter
those words so easily? Is this a new chapter I am sensing? Well maybe it's just
me, turning the pages but not closing the book.
I guess
that's just how life goes, isn't it? We moved on from all the hurts and the
pains from our past, we forgive, forget, grow, evolve and try to see light once
more from the people who try to knock at our door.
WE HEAL.
It was
one of the most magical moments in my life, believe me it’s true. From all the
surprises, photographs, balloons, unplanned travels, goodmorning/goodnight
texts, simple Hellos, cakes, flowers, candlelight dinner dates, coffee dates,
visiting art exhibits, going on a date in the Hilltop, down to walking me home
in the Twin Road hihi ^^.. You did all these, even if I haven't given you my
response yet, and that I adore you. I don’t like to say it this way because it
may sound so cliché, but I couldn’t deny that I’m falling in love with you.
It absolutely is the little things in life
that play a huge part in our lives. So I opened up my heart again, even if it
still has scars and stitches from the past, I handed you the key.
We went on dating in private for almost a year; I'd like to stay that way. You, Me,
Us in a low-key relationship.
2018 was almost over, so I decided to give it a try and ask permission from my parents, siblings even my relatives. Trusting the magic of New Beginnings.
We made our relationship official last December 15. I am just super thankful to everyone who were there during our highs and lows, to the friends we've made and to the people who got our backs. Thank you guys, you are all amazing. SML.
Today is
your birthday and I just couldn't fathom how time flies so fast. I just want
you to know, how Blessed and Happy I am for meeting someone like you, and to
have you as my boyfriend, was surreal & wonderful. You are a blessing from Above. My own definition of
knight in shining jeans and Tshirt. I felt that Life has led me to you. My
choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything that has happened has its own
reason and if these didn’t occur, I could have not met you after all. It
was a rollercoaster ride, we faced a lot of trials, fights, arguments &
battles but know that I had the best time of my life, fighting dragons with
you. To this amazing guy, my soul person, my best friend, my one true artist, my favorite human, the cheeziest one.
Thank you for taking care of me and for always putting up with my attitude. Thank you for giving me warm hugs during melancholic times. I know I've been a headache to you, but you never gave up on me and please don't ever change.
You were always this cool, mysterious, moreno guy who happened to be blessed with long hair, beautiful eyes & brows not to mention your thick lashes I am envious of. You are so gorgeous; I can't say anything to your face. You’re fond of making faces to which I find hilarious but also is the reason why I laugh so hard, my stomach hurts, and I appreciate every corny jokes you talk about just to make me smile every time I had a bad day. You like to paint & creative enough to design shirts and costumes. I could say, you are one of the most talented guys I’ve ever met. You love to scoot, in fact you even have one, it’s your sport and it’s your escape and I have no problem with that because you know for a fact that I have always been supportive in everything you love and are passionate about. Despite and in spite everything, thank you mylove, and happy happy birthday,
I love you my rock bottom.
All the
love,
Zy
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Dear Zy,